Well, the week started out strong. You see, for the first time in six years, I actually got paid. And I’m not talking about the change I found in the dryer. In a delightful and highly unexpected move, Random House actually mailed the first part of our advance promptly after Mom and I signed our contract. I put a chunk of my earnings on Bubba, and he showed improvement immediately. It’s not fair really. I tried rubbing cash on my hips—nothing.
At least Bubba reciprocated by accompanying me to Pilates on Monday. I was quite graceful as you can imagine, but poor Bubba looked like a drunk harbor seal. We were both sore for days after. Pilates is not for the faint-hearted. Mom keeps asking me what Pilates is exactly, and I tell her it’s basically intense, excruciating stretching.
I managed to stick to my low carb ideals until Wednesday, when I attempted to make and eat an egg salad sandwich on a low carb tortilla. This disastrous endeavor prompted me to ransack the fridge for leftover Chinese. From there, it only got worse. Ice cream, Mexican food, fried mozzarella sticks—and that was just lunch yesterday!
Bubba and I tried to make up for our indiscretions today with 30 minutes on the elliptical. Since my ear buds are always falling out, Bubba tried to entertain me by singing the tunes on my MP3 player. I think my favorite was his rendition of “The Burn” by Matchbox Twenty. Followed, of course, by R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts.”
So, no progress this week, but there’s hope for next week. At least that’s what Bubba says, but I’m definitely feeling the need for a shopping spree.
In other news, Blue Cross Blue Shield will be getting an unusual claim in the near future. On Thursday, I discovered the weirdest bruises on Chunky's legs. I rushed him in to see the doctor. Our very wise (and thankfully very patient) family doctor said, "Hmm, let me just try one thing." Then he proceeded to wipe off Chunky's bruises with an alcohol swab. Turns out the dye in his black athletic shorts rubbed off on his legs when he sweat. I don't know why this never occurred to me since I've already seen the results of dye in food. Anybody else out there freak out the day after your child had their first neon blue frosted cupcake? Yeah, that color doesn't naturally occur in nature or in a diaper, and that's all I'm saying about that. Anyway, like Megan Dimaria says, "No sense being dumb if you don't show it!"
Thus ends the week, with little accomplished but hopefully something learned.
The Writer Who Speaks
3 days ago