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    Wednesday, April 10, 2013

    Demons in the Drains

    In my last blog I was looking forward to being Human Again in April. Well, it’s April and I’m not human yet.

    Many of you know I’m trying to finish my young adult urban fantasy novel for a conference this month. Progress is good. I’m at around 96,000 words and closing in on the finish, but there have been a few hiccups in my real world.

    At the end of March I took my mother in for what we thought was a detached retina. After two doctor visits, we were told she’d had a stroke and would never regain the vision she lost in her left eye.

    Mom is very positive about the whole thing and thinking of designing a line of bedazzled eye patches for her online Dragon Lady Shoppe. We also thought about dressing her bunny up as a parrot to go with her new pirate look. Our poor pets probably don’t have a clue what animal they actually are.

    We don’t know much more about Mom’s condition as we are waiting to have tests and get results back.

    So we managed to get through our crisis and Spring Break which is always a bit of a crisis too, and get back on track. Then Kory went on a business trip.

    In just a little over 24 hours:

    1. I got one of those calls from the school. “My son said what? MY son?! Put him on the phone!”
    2. The boys’ toilet spewed water all over the bathroom. I suspect a poltergeist. Now that they no longer flush toys and plastic cups, I fail to see what biodegradable substance could’ve caused such an epic clog.
    3. We had a blizzard.
    4. The dog took allergy medicine. She seems fine and not once has she complained of a runny nose, sneezing, or itchy eyes.
    5. The kitchen sink clogged. Poltergeist again?
    6. Monkey came down with a virus.
     When Kory texted that he’d landed in Denver I told him both boys were in bed with me (Monkey sick, Chunky had a nightmare) and that he should just find a hotel room. My exact words were, “Save yourself!”

    He came home anyway. Good because he fixed the sink. Bad because three adult-sized bodies (plus allergy-free dog) in one bed does not make for a good night’s sleep. At least we managed to get Chunky back to his bed.

    My husband teased me that he couldn’t leave me alone for one night. He knows I can handle things, it’s just that when Kory’s away, the poltergeists come out to play.

    I know I’m not the only one who’s experienced disaster while my spouse was gone. Please, share your stories. It’s a less violent way to relieve stress than attacking said spouse the moment he or she returns.


    Anonymous said...

    Oh, Evangeline, I have been there. :) Inevitably, when hubby is gone, the car breaks down, the water heater decides to go kaput, and the latest is I discovered the reason our printer doesn't work is because some foreign entity has turned off almost all Microsoft networking features and taken over my computer. Bummer thing: the computer is less than a year old. So, I (not hubby, since he's gone this week) will go through the business of figuring out how to repair it. I am woman hear me....um, well, not roar.

    Loved your post. I hope you're getting back into a semblance of normal. If there is such a thing in your house. I don't think there is in mine. :)

    Cheryl Wyatt said...

    Praying for your dear, sweet mom!

    Your posts are hilarious. Once when my husband was out of town, I went into preterm labor. Another time, my water broke.

    I should have told him he's not allowed to leave the house. LOL!

    Another time he was gone, an impaired driver ran a stop sign and caused a t-bone collision that totalled our car, fractured my ankle, shattered my foot and tore every tendon and ligament in my hands.

    Did I mention I had two looming book deadlines at the time? Typed them both out on broken hands. My surgeon said typing actually helped expediate the healing because it acted like PT, which he claimed stands for Physical Therapy. I maintain that it stands for Pain & Torture. LOL.

    But like you, I tried to get my husband not to rush home because it's not like my injuries were life-threatening. Plus our girls were unharmed other than minor scratches and the emotional trauma of losing their shakes which splatted against the front windshield on impact.

    I know God protected us from a worse fate. He'll watch over your mom, too. Hugs to you both! And thanks for the laugh. Love you!

    Daphne said...

    I blew out a tire on Friday on my way to pick up kids at school. Just smashed it right into a curb.

    Brandi Boddie said...

    Glad your mom has a positive attitude and a sense of humor. Keeping her in prayer :-)

    I'm laughing at the dog's antics and the exploding toilet.

    When my husband was deployed, our dog was very exciteable and nervous. He loooved to leave little surprises around the house if he felt I wasn't paying him enough attention. Now that the husband's back, the hound is decidedly chill.

    kersley.fitz said...

    So, you know about my friend who decided to have her latest baby at home, in base housing, in Turkey. And you know how neither the US nor the Turkish government would acknowledge the live birth of said baby and, therefore, would not give her a birth certificate (because, you know, she just picked her up at the bazaar next to the falafel stand).

    Well, she finally got the passport and the birth certificate (in that order) in time to take her three pre-schoolers to Germany to visit their dad who was in school for a few weeks. After one flight delay, they got there.

    And two of the kids got a stomach virus. Bad. And for at least a couple of hours, she had to wait in the lobby of billeting for a room with one projectile vomiting, one projectile diarrhea-ing, and one throwing a fit because she was too concerned with the other two.

    So, it's probably best that you all didn't go with him.

    Amy Leigh Simpson said...

    Oh, I'm sorry that I'm laughing but I can totally sympathize! Though since my boys are a bit younger it's less traditional household Murphy's Law around here and more Tazmainian Devil destruction at the hands of tireless toddlers. You would not believe my week. Seriously. Institutionalization has never looked so good. ;)

    Anonymous said...

    I have a mini series of examples in this department from the car catching on fire while I was driving it to my son getting a concussion playing hockey to our two dogs eating rat poison in the middle of the night.

    I feel your pain sister!