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    Monday, August 4, 2008

    Spicy Enchiladas

    I’ve never been what you would call demure. My poor mother tried so hard to raise an innocent little lady, but instead she got a daughter who once smuggled mini bottles of alcohol into a U2 concert in her bra. (I knew that extra padding would come in handy someday!) Yes, the wild side has always had a certain appeal to me. But I do have standards. You’ll be happy to know they’ve elevated somewhat since the sloshing push-up incident.

    Take bodice-rippers for instance. While I enjoy a good, full-bodied romance as much as the next twenty-nine-year-old mom (maybe even a little more), I simply can’t tolerate a book with a plot existing solely to move the hero and heroine from one clinch to the next. Frankly, I find that boring. Give me some hidden desire, an undercurrent of passion, intense longing, but please, keep the heaving body parts to a minimum. I have an imagination.

    That’s why I fell in love with Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga. Don’t get me wrong, these books are hot. I wouldn’t let my thirteen-year-old daughter read them—if I had a thirteen year old daughter. (Of course, if I did, she’d probably be like me, and I’d be in a world of hurt even without books about sexy vampires.) But I found the Twilight books refreshing because they were incredibly sensual even while arguing for old fashioned ideas like reserving sex for marriage (be that a living or undead commitment) and even respect for human life. I know, shocking, isn’t it?

    I’m not saying the books are above reproach, but I enjoyed the plots, characters, and fantastic writing as much as I enjoyed the sizzling romance. I read all four books in about a week, which meant several late nights. I’d force myself to go to bed around 1:30 where I would find my cutie-pie hubby dead to the world. I’d snuggle up next to him, feeling a little more affectionate than I usually do after midnight, and he would reward me by lifting his head a quarter inch off the pillow and mumbling something sexy like, “fnurg,” which means, “I am not awake, but my body told me to react in case a psychopath has joined me in bed and is contemplating testing my reflexes with something sharp." Ah, your classic wrong place, wrong time scenario.

    More than once, I’ve found myself embarrassed over my more va va voom tendencies. When we go out with our friends, I’m the one laughing with the guys over that marriage joke that crossed the line a little bit, while my sweet girlfriends are blushing appropriately. Oh well, I figure, God likes spicy enchiladas as much as He likes cheese quesadillas. Pass the hot sauce, baby!


    Jennifer (jkincolorado) said...

    I'm right there with ya!!

    You are too funny!! I love reading your stories.

    D. Gudger said...

    If you're spicy enchilladas, then I must be bloody endhilladas. Romance ain't my thing. Murder and mayhem are. When an author slams the brakes on his plot for some biological exploration, I get mad. Forget the sex, kill the bad guy!

    What's odd though, is that I can't stand to watch violence on TV or in a movie. I can't even listen to Braveheart. The sounds of steel blades slicing and cutting through bodies is too much.

    At least in my head I can play editor and skip over the things that make me roll my eyes.

    Working with teens for over 10 years now, little surprises me. But I must admit, I too laugh at off color humor. I like that country western song where the guy wants to check his girlfriend for ticks. Some find the song ranuchy (that's the intention), but the images my brain conjures are far from the gutter and more in an insectarium!

    Colleen Coble said...

    HILARIOUS post, Evangeline! I've been wanting to read those books.

    Megan DiMaria said...

    Well said, E!

    A prisoner of hope,

    Peg Brantley said...

    You are so refreshing! I love it!

    CHickey said...

    Lead me on and let my imagination take over! My mind can get things pretty hot!

    Cara Putman said...

    Laughed out loud. So are the twilight books vampire novels? If so, I'm afraid I'll have to pass. Though everyone tells me I have to read John Olson's new book SHADE -- the vampire book without a vmapire? huh?

    Jenny B. Jones said...

    That was hilarious. And you need to find some spicy enchillada friends. Makes ALL the difference in the world--believe me. : )

    And you're right--I've been telling my writer friends for over a year how sensual Twilight is! Meyer is AMAZING at romantic tension. I thought they never would kiss in book one.

    Great post!

    Tina said...

    Great post! Thank God for honesty. It makes the rest of us feel a little bit better. I like the spicy enchiladas comment. It reminded me of The Shack when Mack walks in and God is dancing to some funk beat.

    Evangeline Denmark said...

    Wow everybody! Thanks for the acceptance. Good to know there's some other spicy ladies out there.
    Cara, you mentioned John Olsen's Shade. READ IT! I stole Mom's advanced reader's copy as soon as she mentioned that it was a Christian "vampire" novel. (I know, not exactly, but close enough.) I loved it! John does a fantastic job using the concept of a vampire to embody evil. And his main characters are magnetic. Here's one reader who's celebrating a possible Christian variation of the vampire genre.