Friday, June 5, 2009
Summer is here. Are there any other moms out there who feel like Princess Leia, chained to a demanding couch potato and forced to either entertain him or be eaten? Show of hands?
I feel like I’m alone in my humiliating role as “the entertainment.” Surely the rest of you have this figured out. Yes, we’re enrolling in the library’s summer reading program. Yes, I’ve ransacked my brain for creative things to do besides sit around the house. But is it too much to ask that they do a little thinking of their own?
When I was little, I didn’t dare tell my mom I was bored. I knew what she would say. “Bored people are either stupid, selfish, or lazy.” Then she'd give me a choice of what chore I wanted to do. Why does this not work on my kids?
Oh right, because—like Jabba the Hut—they’re convinced they’re the center of the universe. (Actually, Jabba probably was the center of gravity on Tatooine.) Folks, I promise I am chiseling away at their massive egos. But I don't think even Michaelangelo could carve those blocks of marble overnight.
Now we all know how Jabba ended up. Well, at least those of us with little boys or husbands or brothers know. If you are, by chance, a nun, raised in an all girl family, I’ll give you the low-down. Luke comes to rescue his sis, Leia—who is disturbingly dressed in a metal bikini—tension ensues, Han gets melted (but you don’t really need to know that part), Jabba decides to throw Luke and newly-thawed Han in the pit/mouth of some creature, Luke has other plans, there’s a fight, and Leia (still in tiny bikini) chokes Jabba with the chain he imprisoned her with.
Do you see why I’m alarmed?
Number One: I don’t want to get so fed up with my forced role of Summer Fun Director that I turn on my kids.
Number Two: I would look really bad in a metal bikini.
These are heavy concerns. My husband and I have discussed solutions for both problems, most of which involve duct tape. But as we are still out-of-work, we simply cannot afford the quantity of duct tape required to produce the desired results.
So what am I going to do with my little Jabbas?
Turn the backyard into a mud pit. Throw them out every morning. Hose them off before bed.
Empty the playroom. Give them finger paint. Shut the door.
Play hide-and-seek where they are always IT and mommy is ALWAYS HIDING.
Watch Star Wars movies until they can quote every scene perfectly. Wait, we already did that.
It’s gonna be a long two months.