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    Friday, January 29, 2010

    Downward-facing Dog

    I have a love/hate relationship with my Wii. I love that I can exercise in my living room when no one else is home. I hate pretty much everything else about exercising, including the Wii. So there you go.

    Still, I’ve been doing around twenty minutes of Wii Fit every morning for the past few weeks and yeah, yeah, it’s been good for me.

    After each exercise you’re scored and ranked, and then the Wii trainer offers you helpful advice along the lines of—“If you did this more often, you’d be in better shape, Dummy!”

    I’m obsessed with duping my Wii trainer. So much so that I will cheat and hold onto things to keep my yoga poses steady. When the instructor, Miss Perfect Yoga Body, claps for me, I feel an evil satisfaction at having fooled her empty head.

    But our new dog is messing with my cheating yoga routine. Like most young children, she thinks that any movement more vigorous than reaching for a coffee cup is an invitation to play.

    So as soon as I step on the Wii board, she shows up, stub wagging, ready to have fun. She circles around me as I breathe deeply.

    A side note: I REALLY hate it when I score low on breathing. Come on! Are you kidding me? I can breathe! I’ve been doing it for twenty-nine years, give or take a couple.

    Where was I? The dog. So the dog comes and plops her head on the Wii board next to my foot, and Miss Perfect Yoga Body tells me, “You’re a little shaky. Try to stabilize your back and legs.”

    I say nasty things about her leotard while trying to stabilize my back and legs.

    When the exercise is over, I nudge the dog away and move on to the next pose.

    But it gets really bad when I try to work on the floor. The other day, I wrangled my body into the cobra pose, which is suppose to look kinda like Ariel up on that rock in Disney’s The Little Mermaid. But with my body it looks more like The Little Orca. I’ve got my tummy, hips, and legs on the floor and am raising my torso up with my arms when Willie (the DOG, not the gardener, or the mailman, or the UPS guy—this needs to be clear) trots over and starts licking my neck.

    I squirm and giggle and squeal for Willie to stop. Yoga Body says something really helpful like, “You’re a little unbalanced.” To which I respond, “You’re an anorexic pixel with gray skin and unnaturally shifting boobies.”

    Of course, the witch gives me a low score for that and a lecture on doing yoga every day to improve my form and posture. But I’m starting to think maybe I need more interaction with the outside world. I’m picking fights with an avatar for crying out loud.


    Donita K. Paul said...

    I actually think it is healthier to pick fights with your avatar. Much better than picking fights with your husband, in-laws, children's teachers, the car mechanic, the Fed-Ex man, IRS agent, or low-lifes on the street who can probably tan your tush without breaking a sweat.

    Atypical Girl said...

    As long as you doing pick a fight with those guys in the movie AVATAR, you're good fighting the Wii avatar. I mean, those guys in AVATAR are tough.

    Oh, puppies! They just love to be loved and involved, don't they? I mean, my dogs still think any time anyone is sitting on the floor it means they are to be petted, played with, and adored...but it's not quite "puppy-ish" anymore.

    Even though the little one is messing up your Wii routine, enjoy it! Fuzzy face, puppy breath, and all.

    Love your blog posts! And you're pretty darn awesome, too.

    crownring said...

    I think you and your boys need these, Evangeline. More fun than wii any day!


    Jennette said...

    Hello! Just wanted to let you know that I love your post. It had me laughing and I really needed a laugh. Thanks! By the way, I am a fan of your mom's and not some weird stalker dude or anything like that. Oh, and I'm a writer too & a mother. I'm looking forward to The Dragon &The Turtle. :-) 
    ~Jennette Mbewe

    Jenny B. Jones said...

    I'm so tempted to get a Wii. Is it any better than doing yoga with a DVD? (Which I'm SOOO good at buying. And not doing. Or dusting.)