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    Tuesday, March 29, 2011

    Birds, Bees, and Baby Squirrels

    On our last trip to the orthodontist, Chunky accompanied his brother and me back to the large, open exam room where patients wait in snazzy recliners for their monthly combo of metal and rubber bands.

    While Monkey fidgeted in his chair, Chunky looked out the wall of windows. He pointed toward a couple of pine trees near a fence. “Mommy, look. I see two squirrels playing.”

    I smiled and said, “I bet it’s a mommy and a daddy squirrel.”

    Chunky’s eyes got big and he nodded. “I think it is a mommy and daddy squirrel because I saw them kissing on the lips.”

    Without thinking, I said, “Oh, it’s spring time. Soon there’ll be baby squirrels.”

    Later that afternoon, I performed my own little spring ritual of lying on the couch with watery eyes closed, desperately trying to escape the misery of my allergy-afflicted sinuses for a few minutes. Chunky arrived on the scene with a whump to my stomach. I knew my attempt at a nap was over but resolutely kept my eyes squeezed shut. Chunky declared, “I love you, Mommy!” and deployed Operation Attack Kiss.

    I know families deal with kissing differently, but in ours, the rule is, only Daddy gets to kiss Mommy’s lips. That’s why I jumped when Chunky planted a smacker on my mouth. I gave him the sort of half-hearted reprimand one gives cheeky little boys.

    His Adorable Innocence responded, “But Mommy, I had to kiss your mouth so you’ll have another baby.”


    “Sweetie, that only works with Mommies and Daddies.”

    “Oh, well, when Daddy comes home I want you to kiss him on the mouth so you can have another baby.”

    Deploy Evasive Maneuver #312: “But why would I want another baby when I have you?”

    “I’m not a baby anymore.”

    Evasive Maneuver #457: “That’s right, you’re a super fun six-year-old.”

    “But I want a brother.”

    “You already have a brother.”

    Chunky wasn’t having any of it. He kept arguing the merits of lip-kissing and baby brothers until I was out of tricks. Finally, genius struck. I looked him in the eye.

    “You know it might not be a baby brother. It might be a baby sister.”

    Disgusted silence. Then, “Well, she’d have to sleep in the guest room because our room is full.”


    the Blooming Banana said...


    ArtsyBookishGal said...

    Hahaha....better get that guest bedroom ready. *wink*

    Beth K. Vogt said...

    OH, E!
    You will, from this moment hence, handle all tricky questions at the Vogt household.
    Or could I at least borrow some of your rules?

    Niki said...

    LOL!! I LOVE IT! You're a genius! I needed the laugh today. Thank you, friend.

    I've been side-stepping a similar conversation with my 7 year old who's not so fond of being the youngest.

    Jennifer ♥ said...

    So *that's* how babies are made - now I know!! :)

    Cute post!

    Jeanne T said...

    Evangeline, what a fun post! I LOVE the way you handled "The Question!" Mine have been asking for another baby too. Only with us, it will have to be a miracle to happen. :)Is it the age? :)

    Brimful Curiosities said...

    Baby sisters can be a lot of trouble. Good thing he thought that one through a little before responding.

    Jen HaHA said...

    Their room is full. That's too cute! My son was wanting kisses on the lips for his bedtime kiss. He doesn't think that makes babies, but he does want a sister. So he can beat her up. Found you on Welcome Wednesday.

    Come check out my A-to-Z!