Okay, so we've established that I'm a frazzled mother who needs more rest. But right now I want to talk about extreme fatigue. You know, the kind felt by soldiers after battle, firefighters after a blaze, and moms on, say, a Tuesday. If you have kids, you know what I'm talking about--muscle-mashing, eyelid-dragging, tear-inducing exhaustion.
I'd like to introduce you to my coping mechanism for when this dreaded condition strikes and I am the sole responsible party in a house with destruction-capable kids. It's a game called "Where's My Teddy Bear?" Played correctly, this will get you a good ten minutes of adequate, if not totally refreshing, horizontal time. Now, you already know that if you lay down on the floor, your kids will find your prostrate state irresistible and begin pounding you. So the trick is to capture them in your arms, snuggle them close, and pretend to go to sleep. Snore loudly. Make drool-slurping noises. Imitate your hubby's best sleep grunts. Inevitably, your kids will try to escape. Let them. But as soon as they've gotten a few feet away from you, wake up. In your best three-year-old whine ask, "Where's my teddy bear?" Proceed to cry like a baby, repeating "Where's my teddy bear? I need my teddy bear." At this point, if you're lucky and your children have even a smidgen of humor, they will return and snuggle up next to you. Simply repeat this process until you've recharged your battery enough to continue with your day.
Now I realize that the day is fast-approaching when my oldest son will figure out my secret and refuse to play the game. Don't worry. I'm preparing a new game for when that happens. It's called "My Backside is made of Lead just like Yours." My plan is simple. I will park myself on the couch next to him and tell him "My backside is made of lead just like yours, and I can't possibly get up and get you chocolate milk and cheese crackers." Of course, this game is yet untested. So if anyone would like to give it a whirl, feel free. You know, this just might with husbands too!