Lying Down

I have a long and glorious history of lying down. It started when, as a child, I would eat too much (we’ll discuss dysfunctional food issues later), and I would get up from the table and lie down flat on the floor. This position provided the best digestion and, in my opinion, still does.

In fact, as an exhausted mother, I find horizontal to be imminently preferable to vertical. My favorite moment in the day is when I throw my extra pillow on the floor around 11:00 and lie down flat to go to sleep.

But lying down isn’t just for sleeping. It also comes in handy in other situations. For instance, after Thanksgiving at your in-laws when you would much rather digest your turkey than help clear the dishes like the good girl your mother raised you to be. Simply lie down, flat on the floor, and your extended family will think that something is wrong with you, either mentally or physically, and not only leave you alone, but give you a wide berth.

And, my most favorite use of the steam-roller pose: diffusing tension. This is especially useful when you have young children who tend to transform you from an intelligent, gentle woman into a mutant psycho whose blistering screeches makes smoke-detectors downright dulcet. When this happens, flatten yourself on the floor. Your children, much like vultures, will discover your weak condition and take advantage of it. Yes, this may hurt a little (or a lot if they’re the jack hammer type), but it will also produce smiles. In between the pounding, you’ll find yourself giggling as your little ones discover "Jungle Gym Mommy" in place of "The Mominator."
Give it a try, but don’t be surprised when you find bruises in odd places the next day.