My Eyes! My Eyes!

February is here! I made green cookies today to celebrate.

What’s that?

Green is for March?

Dang it! I knew something wasn’t right.

Actually, we’re stuck inside because the temperature is -10. They cancelled school, but I had no intention of taking my kids anyway. As a family, we’re quite dedicated to our one shared hobby, Asthma. Our lungs have been known to seize up if we leave the freezer door open too long.

The weather guys were saying this would be a big storm, so Kory spent last night on a co-worker's couch. Let me just insert here that I am extremely high maintenance in my need to have my hubby near. I knew at a very early age that I could never be a military wife because functioning alone for months on end was just not acceptable. My inability to make chicken and play the piano ruled out pastor’s wife. And my love of shoes and dislike for the out-of-doors ruled out farmer’s wife.

Anyhoo, last night I was on my own. I’m not going to lie to you. It was tough.

My first precaution against accidental death from lack of spouse was to don fleece pajamas. Without hubby to keep me warm I knew I better go one step up from my normal head-to-toe flannel.

Next I settled in to check out a program I’ve been meaning to watch for research. The novel I’m working on is set in Yorkshire, so I figured All Creatures Great and Small would show me a little of the countryside. It showed me a lot more than that.

People, do you know about this show? Have you seen it?! Oh, my gosh! I had to cover my eyes. How could something made the year I was born be so graphic?

Admittedly, I had to admire actor Christopher Timothy’s dedication to the craft. I think if we asked Matthew Fox to stick his hand you-know-where on a cow, he’d sue or something. I don’t see how they could have faked some of the more bovine intrusive scenes.

Ick!

Did I mention I wasn’t cut out to be a farmer’s wife?

Thankfully, the show couples shots of Yorkshire scenery with some lilting instrumentals, so I knew it was safe to peek when I heard the happy music.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t so successful at understanding all the dialect. I don’t think I had the option of using Closed Captioning with streaming Netflix, and I’m pretty sure it couldn’t keep up with the dialogue anyway. It’d probably look something like this.

“Mawt goon t’orth fer shoot tha lug soet ma summat doon.”

Which, roughly translated, means, “My cow is sick and I hope you brought full hazmat gear.”

In case you’re wondering, there are animals in my book, but they’re all in excellent health. If any of them get sick, well, they’ll just have to die. I’m too traumatized to introduce a vet.

I’m so glad my husband will be home tonight to keep me from watching British horror shows from the 70s.

Here's something I bet you've never seen. Don't worry, you won't have to cover your eyes.