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    Monday, January 3, 2011

    New Year, New Job?

    Monday, January 3, 2011

    Ah, yes. Back to life. Back to reality. My husband, who originally intended to work through his vacation, ended up taking more than a week off, partly because I got a nasty respiratory virus. We did next to nothing for the whole break. I sat around coughing and reading, and he tinkered on the ever-present household projects.

    Unfortunately, one of those projects was the budget. Whenever matters of finance come up, my utter uselessness becomes apparent. Kory is very good about never pointing out my lack of contribution, but it doesn’t take a genius to realize that one income is insufficient when you live like you have two.

    Last night I lay in bed, unable to go to sleep at 11 PM after a week of 1 AM bedtimes, and wondered what people like me do in the real world. My English degree is one step up from Philosophy in terms of career opportunities. I haven’t had a real job in ten years, and I have few marketable skills.

    I asked Kory what I might be qualified for, and this is the list we came up with.

    1. Retail
    2. Fortune cookie writer
    3. Professional Twitter and Facebook updater
    4. That thing husbands always suggest that they’d really only allow if they were the sole audience member
    5. Medical research test subject
    6. Spokesperson for an awareness campaign for people with two different-sized feet
    7. Designer of stretchy shoes
    8. Psychic (Kory assured me I didn’t really have to be psychic for this job.)
    9. Motivational speaker
    10. Circus entertainer

    Not very encouraging options are they? With the economic downturn, I hear retail jobs are scarce, and then there’s the near certainty that I’d spend my entire paycheck at whatever store I worked at. Unless it was Lowe’s or Tire World, of course.

    Number 2 might be out as well if they require you to know Chinese. And there aren’t many people who can afford to pay someone else to update their social media. Numbers 4 through 8 are a bit of a stretch, and number 9 relies on the Jerry Springer principle that others would feel better about themselves once I told them what a loser I am.

    Which leaves number 10. As of today I will see what I can do about growing a beard. Until it comes in, perhaps I’ll do the world a favor and stay off the job market.

    That is, unless anyone out there has some good career advice for me. Please keep in mind, I have no organizational skills whatsoever, am squeamish about all things medical, and seem to have no control whatsoever over children.


    Daphne said...

    I hear you say that you have no control over children. But I would love to suggest that perhaps you get your subsitute teaching license (-you may not even need one for private or charter schools).

    Avid Reader said...

    Starbucks usually has good pay and good benefits. They will also usually let you have coffee and beans for free ... :-)

    Kimberley said...

    LOL! I sure do love you, Evangeline :)

    And you know what? Substitute teacher is not a bad idea... Students would LOVE you :)

    Hope you're feeling better!

    Donita K. Paul said...

    "For some, everything in its place makes a lot of sense. For me, it's just one big place and everything happens to be there."
    Peter Simons
    Just talking organizational skills. You wail that you don't have any. I am the tree that that apple fell from.

    Tiffany said...

    Oh please reconsider writing fortunes for forutne cookies. They are all terrible. Actually, I see a future post in this...

    Beth K. Vogt said...

    Motivational speaker. Definitely an option.

    Delia Latham said...

    Hmmm...I believe I'll try my hand at that psychic thing. I see a future for you in writing books for children. Huh? Huh?

    Anonymous said...

    You did not mention chef! You're an awesome cook. :) Really, you have more talent in your little finger than I will ever have.

    You have so many gifts, right now they're just in hybernation, brought on by life and two rambunctious boys. Someday, they will emerge. Until then, enjoy being a wonderful wife, mother, writer and friend! :)

    Evangeline Denmark said...

    Thank you for all your encouraging and fun comments. I didn't know this topic would spark such discussion here and on FB. I've been making more ridiculous lists all week and giggling at my own absurdity. Always good to laugh at yourself!